Can writers block last four years? What am I saying, of course it can.
I started this blog with my roommate about 3 years prior to turning 30 as an outlet for all my anxiety about turning 30 (don’t judge me). And in very typical Shadi fashion, I let other things take priority and I stopped updating. So here I am well into my 30s and still trying to figure out how to or if I'm living my best life.
I started this blog with my roommate about 3 years prior to turning 30 as an outlet for all my anxiety about turning 30 (don’t judge me). And in very typical Shadi fashion, I let other things take priority and I stopped updating. So here I am well into my 30s and still trying to figure out how to or if I'm living my best life.
Just as a suspected, turning 30 most certainly did not magically make me put together. I'm still awkward AF (as fuck, for you non millennial readers).The other day though, I paired a top with a necklace and felt like I killed the game of adulthood (it was a good outfit, seriously). And I guess that's what being an adult is, little victories or moments that lead up to one large feeling.
And sometimes I feel like a full fledged adult. Leading up to my thirties I had a plan. I started paying bills on time, actually budgeting (spreadsheet and everything). I started eating healthily and exercising regularly (I joined two gyms for god sake). Actively went to therapy twice a month to deal with my anxiety/panic and got off my meds (successfully been off anti-anxiety medicine for a year!). But all of that took work and constant thought. It's fucking exhausting. Being a self aware adult is hard (and sad sometimes). Lately, I find myself missing the impulsive person I was in my 20s (and I wasn't even that wild). I can't even dye my hair as often cause I have to worry about balding. WHAT IS LIFE.
The truth is, right now at this very moment, I feel like my life is stuck on the loop de loop part of a roller coaster (that sounds dramatic). Fuck, it feels good to admit that out loud.
I've been sad lately. And not the I'm on my period sad (but I wish it was). For me, it's a cyclical, I'm not living up to my potential and I feel so unchallenged kind of sad. The kind of sad where I question everything, from the why am I still single (no, really) to my career choices. Should I go back to school? Is it time to change my job? Why am I not debt free yet? Why haven’t I bought a house? Am I getting in the way of my own success? Should I have kept my OkCupid profile open for one more month? Actually, I know the answer to this, it's HELL NO. That last one is more for comic relief, I like myself enough to be alone forever.
So, I'm in my 30's and I'm still figuring shit out. You may be thinking, cool story but what’s the point of this post. I guess it’s to say, I’m back. I’m trying to find outlets to channel my feelings that don’t involve drugs, alcohol or running a 5K (that's a joke).
Because that's the thing about a roller coaster (oh yeah i'm bring back that lame analogy), once you finish the loop de loop, you're still moving forward.
So yeah, here I am. In all my vulnerable glory. Hopefully, it doesn't take me 3 more years to make another post.
I've been sad lately. And not the I'm on my period sad (but I wish it was). For me, it's a cyclical, I'm not living up to my potential and I feel so unchallenged kind of sad. The kind of sad where I question everything, from the why am I still single (no, really) to my career choices. Should I go back to school? Is it time to change my job? Why am I not debt free yet? Why haven’t I bought a house? Am I getting in the way of my own success? Should I have kept my OkCupid profile open for one more month? Actually, I know the answer to this, it's HELL NO. That last one is more for comic relief, I like myself enough to be alone forever.
So, I'm in my 30's and I'm still figuring shit out. You may be thinking, cool story but what’s the point of this post. I guess it’s to say, I’m back. I’m trying to find outlets to channel my feelings that don’t involve drugs, alcohol or running a 5K (that's a joke).
Because that's the thing about a roller coaster (oh yeah i'm bring back that lame analogy), once you finish the loop de loop, you're still moving forward.
So yeah, here I am. In all my vulnerable glory. Hopefully, it doesn't take me 3 more years to make another post.
