I spent the eve of my 23rd birthday in tears listening to Rilo Kiley‘s “The execution of all things” convincing myself that I was a failure.
“I haven’t done anything in life” I told my dad when he tried
to assure me that my life was just beginning. Still I was sure that I had
accomplished everything I could and that I was going nowhere. Maybe it was too much Reality Bites or Ms. Jenny Lewis herself steering me down the path, regardless "nowhere fast" was engraved in my head and chanting in my ears. Why am I
letting you in on such an embarrassing anecdote about my life? Maybe it’s
because I am currently 30 years old, still feel unaccomplished but at this moment would not be
able to comprehend what makes someone a failure.
All my friends are more financially secure then I am. This
statement holds such weight as some could see me as the Jennifer Aniston
character in a movie highlighting late development or achievement. I used to
feel so ashamed of that fact, like it somehow was tied to me as a person
because it told everyone that I was worthless, unsuccessful and worst of all a
failure. Luckily I learned that this was not true. It wasn't until I was 28 working a job that was deemed acceptable at my age but somehow I was miserable. I was working long hours putting time into something I thought I wanted. Then all of sudden I asked myself "What am I working towards?" Now the responsible adult in me wanted to say "You work because you have to" which is such an adult thing to say, isn't it? The thing is that even though I knew that having a job that pays me enough to pay my bills and rent is all I should be worrying about I just couldn't shut off that small voice in my head.
When I was young and people would ask me what I wanted to be when I got older I would always answer "happy." No I wasn't raised by hippie parents and there was an actual direction that I knew I was taking but none of it seemed as important as the promise of being happy. Now as we all know happiness is fleeting and not a career but I can honestly say that I could not let that little girl down. So I quit my job and decided to find out what would make me happy. Very stupid idea in the economy we were/are in but I think in your twenties you get to do one really stupid thing and that was it. It was hard as expected, there were times I thought I was an idiot but somehow I was the happiest I had ever been.
Now a few years have passed and I don't make that much money and at times it can be frustrating as I try to navigate my path into something that I want. What I do now is definitely not what I want to do but it feels like a stepping stone in the right direction. Sometimes you just have to know when to fold them and even though it feels horrible knowing that I can be considered the "dead beat" friend I still feel like things are going the way they are suppose to, ever so slowly. There is a path that I am on; I've learned a lot about myself, about my friends and my family through the simple act of quitting my job. It was an experience I wouldn't replicate but am glad I went through.
You know that scene from "Friends" with Phoebe and the tiny pizza? and how everyone always wants to go somewhere "nice"? That's pretty much my life. I cringe when I hear of trips being planned and money being wasted. I can't go to the mall and just purchase things because I am on a budget and I put thought into which paycheck is going to go to what. It's exhausting and annoying and I try not to make myself feel bad about it because not all adults are made the same. Not all industries pay the same amount of money and once I understood that I started to feel like less of a failure and more like someone determined to find their space. The point of this article is not to tell you to follow your dreams or find happiness because sometimes that can leave you broke, frustrated, and maybe worse. You have to figure out what works for you, what is important to YOU and never compare yourself to others.
Learning to budget, analyzing expectations, those are things I had to learn these are things that made me feel like an adult. Also learning what I want out of life, out of my job is important to. They always tell you to not compare yourself to others because it's pointless. It took me almost 30 years to learn that but I'm glad I finally did.
When I was young and people would ask me what I wanted to be when I got older I would always answer "happy." No I wasn't raised by hippie parents and there was an actual direction that I knew I was taking but none of it seemed as important as the promise of being happy. Now as we all know happiness is fleeting and not a career but I can honestly say that I could not let that little girl down. So I quit my job and decided to find out what would make me happy. Very stupid idea in the economy we were/are in but I think in your twenties you get to do one really stupid thing and that was it. It was hard as expected, there were times I thought I was an idiot but somehow I was the happiest I had ever been.
Now a few years have passed and I don't make that much money and at times it can be frustrating as I try to navigate my path into something that I want. What I do now is definitely not what I want to do but it feels like a stepping stone in the right direction. Sometimes you just have to know when to fold them and even though it feels horrible knowing that I can be considered the "dead beat" friend I still feel like things are going the way they are suppose to, ever so slowly. There is a path that I am on; I've learned a lot about myself, about my friends and my family through the simple act of quitting my job. It was an experience I wouldn't replicate but am glad I went through.
You know that scene from "Friends" with Phoebe and the tiny pizza? and how everyone always wants to go somewhere "nice"? That's pretty much my life. I cringe when I hear of trips being planned and money being wasted. I can't go to the mall and just purchase things because I am on a budget and I put thought into which paycheck is going to go to what. It's exhausting and annoying and I try not to make myself feel bad about it because not all adults are made the same. Not all industries pay the same amount of money and once I understood that I started to feel like less of a failure and more like someone determined to find their space. The point of this article is not to tell you to follow your dreams or find happiness because sometimes that can leave you broke, frustrated, and maybe worse. You have to figure out what works for you, what is important to YOU and never compare yourself to others.
Learning to budget, analyzing expectations, those are things I had to learn these are things that made me feel like an adult. Also learning what I want out of life, out of my job is important to. They always tell you to not compare yourself to others because it's pointless. It took me almost 30 years to learn that but I'm glad I finally did.
